I’m going to call DCFS on myself for being a bad future-parent—just get it out of the way. “Here kids, have some Bonanza! potato chips and orange soda. I’ll be leaving soon!” Wink wink. Can’t do it. No, I’m going solo. I’ll watch a few movies in my thirties, pilot a Mississippi fog boat in my forties. Fifties: gas station hobo—piss pants. Sixties: big blue lip, army fatigues. At seventy, Kentucky butterflies will land on my head.
I had plans to climb Maine's 5,500 foot tall Mount Katahdin January 1st, 2000 .
Before the sun comes up I'd take my son up there and say, “We’re going to be the first people in North America to see the sun rise. That’s the Atlantic ocean out there. That's where your great-grandpa came from." Smartly up on my shoulders, his hands digging into my beard he’d say, “That’s the Stacyville Reservoir, dad. We passed it last night.” I didn't have my glasses on. I’d throw him over the edge.
Before the sun comes up I'd take my son up there and say, “We’re going to be the first people in North America to see the sun rise. That’s the Atlantic ocean out there. That's where your great-grandpa came from." Smartly up on my shoulders, his hands digging into my beard he’d say, “That’s the Stacyville Reservoir, dad. We passed it last night.” I didn't have my glasses on. I’d throw him over the edge.
4 comments:
For starters the title weakens a good piece. The prose poem talks about only one parent when the title refers to two parents. Also, the last line could be a bit stronger. With that said I really enjoy this prose poem. There is a very funny and stable character. We can get inside his head and understand where he comes from and like him. Though he will be a bad parent we actually root for him a bit.
I enjoyed how the first part of your piece is like a prose poem and how the second half is more of a narrative. There is a tone of sadness throughout your piece that addresses loss and a wasted life. I truly wanted to read more and see this piece expanded upon. How did the narrator get from a Mississippi fog boat pilot to a hobo at a gas station? I wanted to hear about this back story. This piece has a lot of potential.
I love how this piece deals with parenthood. It does not give a clear indication of what gender or age the narrator is in the piece, it only give us what he has THOUGHT about his past and future, which leaves the reader to determine what has happened and what is only a supposition of what could/would happen.
Interesting twist at the end with the image of "throwing him over the edge." This leaves a lot up to the reader in regards to the explanation--why would the the narrator throw his son over the edge? Is that what makes him a bad parent? Interesting ending.
The whims of this character's grasp on possible future parenthood are humorous. :) There's also a little bit about age in here. It's always funny to think of a young person's mental version of an older self. The best part is that this person would probably make a great parent, given that mountain story. The character just needs to get to the point where throwing the kid off the edge isn't the option.
The sudden verb tense change at the end is a little confusing. Maybe it would work better standing alone as its own one-line paragraph? It confused me a bit.
Post a Comment